Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
