First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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