Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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