So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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