If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
