I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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