dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
