btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
