I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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