i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's like heaven, but drunker
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
