dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
