i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
