i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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