if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
