She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
