We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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