Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
