i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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