You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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