im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
