I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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