wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
