I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
