Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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