I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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