also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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