I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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