Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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