Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
