my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
