Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
