I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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