There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
