every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Randomize
