all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
