Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He has the fingertips of a God
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
