i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
