Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
