While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
