Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
