im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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