you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
