I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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