My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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