I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
