guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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