He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
