capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
