Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
