yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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