I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
