ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
