i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm too high and old for this...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
