Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
